CONTENTS
CONTENTS
Chapter 5
The Solo Traveler's Guide to the Universe
This is the second "blog topic by request," so thank you Tonya for bumping this one up on the list: how it is I am comfortable/ what are my tips for traveling alone? So, here it goes:
I wake up alone, I go to the gym alone, I go to work alone, I go to the grocery alone, and I cook my dinner alone. I shower alone, go poo alone (well most of the time hehe), hike, nap, read, dance.... allllll byyyyy myyysellllfffff. Sure, I have amazing friends and family and colleagues and dates and "boyfriends" here and there to join me, but on the average... it’s just ME. Ironically, I am not alone in being alone (which is why my lifelong dream as I mentioned in Blog 4 - section "How I got the International Idea" - is to start my own company where I travel alone and continue to share success stories of how to do it, so this is a good practice article). Even married people do a lot of these things alone. So, why are so many of us so awkward about going out to eat, going the movies, or god forbid, traveling alone? I was born into the world alone and once I was old enough to walk home from school alone without my brothers by my side, I have done a lot of things ALONE.
Before I go on, I must insist on this one fact: ALONE does not equate to loneliness and solitude does not equate to sadness or being pathetic. Have you ever once thought while walking in to work about how lame you are that you’re walking in by yourself? Have you ever walked to the store go gym alone and thought, “Good God - I am pathetic?” NO! Because YOU ARE NOT and neither am I. I have been to more places alone than I have with other people, so let’s talk about how I have made that all transcend into eating out, movies, and international travel....
NOTE: I do want to call out here that, like many people I know, I do seek love and companionship, so I don’t want to be “two faced” with this entry. I will be HONEST - a lot of what I do alone, I often wish a friend (man or woman) who I know would enjoy the given activity or location, were with me. But, to be fair, it’s only because I want to share it, not because I am uncomfortable alone.
SYDNEY - Me with a husband and wife, father and son, circa 2013 in Australia WHERE I TRAVELED ALONE. I spent the whole time chatting with the tour guide because being solo was not going to stop me from climbing the Sydney Harbor Bridge.
THE MISCONCEPTIONS
So, let’s first start with a misconception or a perception - being alone somewhere in public makes other people think you must have something wrong with you. If that’s the case, I am ALL kinds of wrong and all of my Facebook and Instagram followers who say they "live vicariously through me" must WANT to have something wrong with them.... I don’t think that is the case, so the first bit of advice I have for solo travelers is this: LET THE FUCK GO of the self conscious feelings you have about being in public alone where it isn’t the common place to be alone. Trust me, the minute you do that and simply carry yourself with confidence, which we will address a bit later, you won’t be alone for very long. People will find it interesting or intriguing and either start a conversation with you or invite you into theirs.
Let’s now address the second misconception - being alone when you travel puts you in danger. If that’s the case, I would have been mugged, raped, or murdered by now because I have been to some incredibly insane places alone, none of which felt any more dangerous than walking home from work in Columbus, Ohio or Boston, Massachusetts or San Francisco, California or London, England. I don’t have any statistics to back this up, but I am fairly certain I am more likely to die in a car crash coming home from work than I am to be raped in Paris, France or mugged in Kona, Hawaii. Does this mean I suggest you take unnecessary risks like going to a country where kidnapping Americans is a common thing for locals to do to make ransom money? No. Of course not. We will talk about doing your research on best places for solo travelers, but I also want to apply this blog to the self talk I have just to even go out to eat alone in your own home town. DO IT! Being single does not mean being a hermit... but before you take a big plunge going on a solo trip, you may want to practice some place nearby.
HAWAII 2018: ME WITH A Lovely group of ladies I met in Hawaii where I went alone for my 43 birthday. I had bought a suite and was saving it for a romantic weekend in hawaii - when I realized I would still be single by my birthday, I went anyway. I complimented one of them while on the tram and struck up a conversation - we are all still in contact through social media to this day. I love these beauties! THANK YOU!
CONFIDENCE AND CURIOSITY
So now, let’s address having the confidence - or at least pretending to have it until it comes naturally - to go to commonly couples/groups places alone. The first few rules are to keep your head up, make eye contact with nearly everyone, and SMILE. I mean, for fuck’s sake, look at and SMILE AT PEOPLE. On elevators, on escalators, on the sidewalk, at the bar, in a restaurant, at the mall, wherever you are, stop being so damn grouchy about humankind or keeping your face in your phone and NOTICE people. As Ghandi says, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” I have to tell you, I have met more people in the 31 countries I have visited by making eye contact and smiling than I have through any other method of meeting people. I have facebook friends that I actively engage with, LinkedIn contacts I interact with, and new friends I have vacationed with all through eye contact and smiling - this ranges from UK, Australia, South Africa, India, all over Europe, all over the USA, Mexico, etc so this is one international practice that transcends a language barrier or a cultural issue. Granted, intense eye contact in some countries is a sign of disrespect, but smiling with a head nod or interested eyebrow raise has not failed me yet. To be clear, not every single person wants to interact, but the people who smile back usually do. When that is a local, your odds of having a much better vacation go up significantly, as they know the real cool shit to do and you are no longer subject to the large busses filled with tour groups that already have a defined network.
Along with confidence, being alone on a trip is far more fun when you meet locals or other solo travellers, and this, in my opinion requires having a genuine interest in meeting new people, not just having a warm body nearby so you don’t feel awkward. If you are traveling just to see famous/touristy sights (which is 100% normal), I would suggest you go with a tour group. It’s far less work that way and may be less stress for those who can’t execute on the smiling. :) I am not implying I have not done organized tours, by the way, I just prefer them far less than a few other avenues of tour guiding which I will address shortly.
So, what does it mean to have a "genuine interest" in meeting new people? It means, you want to listen and learn about them, you want to understand the local culture, taste the local foods, learn the local languages, see the shit off the beaten path that isn’t “touristy”. If you want to only experience what you already know you like everywhere you go, my methodology probably won’t work for you. I travel with the mindset of what this place is really all about, eating the weirdest thing on the menu and seeking out “the thing” where ever I am. It means taking risks and saying YES way more than saying no. It means possibly facing fears, trying something super scary, and embracing it as a norm so you don’t offend someone by thinking it’s “gross to eat that” or they are weird for dressing that way. Just because your parents birthed you in, let’s say, Columbus, Ohio does not mean the way we do things there is right, wrong, or the only way. Did I think “pork knuckle” and beer ice cream sounded weird? YUP! Were they pretty much the most delicious things I have ever eaten? YUP!
Brussels 2018: 1. ME WITH A SMALL GROUP found on AIRBNB Experiences where we toured brussels' best chocolatiers and then made chocolate homemade, because that's what you DO in Brussels - enjoy the belgian chocolate. 2. ME in front of the famous peeing boy statue eating a belgian waffle, photo courtesy of one of the coolest dudes I met in europe who bought me the waffle, toured me around to the specific sites in BRUSSELS, and joined me in bruges for a day trip, all because i made eye contact and smiled. :)
RESEARCH AND TOOLS
How do I know the best places to go and once I am there, what to do? Well, this is where research comes in, and to be honest, I sort of suck at this compared to others who are detail oriented or intense planners. I have chosen a lot of the places I have gone solo by recommendations from people I trust or by knowing someone from that place and just deciding to go. I have to be honest here and say that most of my solo travel destinations have been extreme last minute decisions. For example, when I went to Barcelona, Spain alone, I decided the night before by sitting in a pub in London asking the pub owner where to go. This sounds expensive, but I have actually found more discounts on last minute travel with airlines looking to book up seats and with hotels or airbnbs who lower rates when they are not full. If you travel like this, you cannot be picky but I have found some serious gems with this methodology.
Once I have an idea, I usually simply google the city or country, see how easy it is to get in and out of, check out the variety accommodations, look on airbnb for cool places to stay (use super hosts and and airbnb plus to be sure it’s a good spot) and Airbnb experiences* and then google the top ten things to do. I use Apple Maps A LOT - and zoom in and out looking for the green spaces since I mostly enjoy hiking and outdoor adventure. I also use Viator to see if a particular city has a day trip or tour that I then recreate on my own if that’s possible. *Airbnb experiences has been by far my favorite tool to be shown around by a local in a very small (and sometimes just me) group... I know one of my favorite travel companions also uses YouTube quite a bit to get a digest of a given city and hear more about the “under ground” or local things that don’t have a lot of tourist marketing around them.
I of course used a professional source for things that require it like ziplining or skydiving, but for things that are better shown through a local, I feel way better supporting small businesses and individuals who are passionate about what they are about to show me. I used Airbnb experiences for the Seaplane tour in Maroochy, Australia; a sunset kayak and a day hike outside of Stockholm, Sweden; a 5 mile guided run and graffiti photo shoot through Helsinki, Finland, a bicycle ride along the river in Brisbane, Australia; a small group hike in Scottish Highlands; an electric cycling tour in Lisbon, Portugal; and the Chocolate walking tour in Brussels, Belgium.
The most important tools for solo travelers are the ability to ASKKKKK, the humility to go with the flow and take things as they come without being an unappreciative participant, the willingness to being open and vulnerable (about who you ARE, not in the sense of being an easy target for fraud or theft) and letting your guides see the real YOU so they learn as much as you do. Please don't be shy and make this FUN for everyone involved. I love to sit down and really interrogate the concierges at hotels - shown below with two of them from the Ritz in Geneva where I stayed on points - or at Hotel de Arts in Barcelona. By sharing my story and then being interested in theirs, I got the best advice and made new friends, private tours of the hotels, and a lot of freebies.
When I was alone in San Diego with limited time, I went to take the segway tour but the last group had left for the day. When I opened up and shared the story of my day and laughed and turned to walk out, the owner said, "How about I give you a private tour?" He then took me around, taught me how to drive the other types of segways, and even posed in a photo with me to recreate the famous statue of the WWII kiss.
I always talk to people on the plane on the way to a new city - locals LOVE to brag about their secret spots, so I write them down and hit the underground scene. Also, there is always someone else alone at dinner to whom I can say, "Are you eating alone - care if I sit here with you?" Rarely have I been turned away, and if I am, WHO CARES? When am I ever going to see any of these people again? Another one of my favourite groups of people to chat with are the local taxi drivers or Uber drivers. In Portland, Maine, Barcelona, Spain, and Helsinki, Finland, I befriended my driver through small talk and offering them a meal if they wanted to come in and join me. This resulted in finding THE best seafood in town and pretty much making their day, as of course, it was cheaper for me to treat than to leave the meter running or pay for a tour guide. Taxi drivers LOVE to take you around the city and are usually cheaper and more personalized than a hop on/off bus tour.
In closing, as a solo traveler, my number one goal is not to have the time of MY life, it is ALWAYS to be the tour guides', taxi drivers', concierges', bartenders', pilots', servers', chefs' favorite customer... When you travel to truly experience the whole scenario and serve others, including the people who think they are serving you, it will be the experience of your life.
A FEW FAVORITE SOLO TRAVEL MEMORIES
Self Talk Highlights:
1. I am SO freaking lucky or fortunate or blessed, whatever word you want to use in regard to the ability I have to travel personally based on the points I have saved up for flying and hotels from my job that has me on the road most of the time. I KNOW THIS. I also don't have kids or a partner or dogs anymore, so being alone is kind of my thing, I guess. At first, after my divorce, and much more pronounced when my dogs passed away, I thought I may want to wait to travel or do things until I got into another relationship.
Then, I read this quote: “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.” Alfred D. Souza WRITER, PHILOSOPHER
Though, being ALONE isn't an "obstacle," some of us treat it as such, like we can't do things on our own and have as much, or maybe even more fun. Much like society makes us think we have to look or act a certain way, it also makes us generally uncomfortable to be alone in certain situations, but I hope some of my self talk herein has helped - there is NOTHING wrong with being alone, people will want to talk to me, and everyone just wants to be seen. So, as I have said before, "Feel the fear, and do it anyway!" And, BE NICE and weird and talk to people.
2. After my Hawaii and Europe trips alone, I posted the following thoughts on Instagram:
"When the world 🌎 is your #family you are never alone and you are never poor." (that's just me who said that...)
and...
“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone.” Paul Tillich - I often reflect on these two words, loneliness and solitude, with the hopes to lean as much toward the latter as possible while still embracing my loneliness so I never take for granted the abundance of love and companionship I have in my life. Many were shocked that I took a vacation to Hawaii alone as if I may wallow in loneliness... instead, those who said, “I wish I could do that” maybe need to know the glory in the solitude... Truth be told, however, the saying in Hawaii about “Ohana” is so real. I found so much abundance, love, and companionship, I actually had to turn people down to get some more solitude. If you feel you are “alone” in this world, please know, you need not only associate it to pain, but also glory. I am here for you, the universe is here for you, and most importantly, YOU are here for you. Create your own greatness, feel wealth in the love that surrounds you... revel in YOU and the others you want when you’re ready to exit solitude will present themselves.... #ohana #meaaloha #hookipamalihini
Snice I can't really say it much better and that was my self talk a year and a half ago, I will stick by it. You are NEVER truly alone but when you are by yourself, soak it in and then meet someone new when you get bored with your own thoughts. Travel happy my friends and make some new ones along the way!
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